Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
