I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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