I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
