u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
