let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I have tasted many bathrooms
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
