just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
