I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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