so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
