I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
