What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
