Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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