apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
