I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
