Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
