Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
