When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
