The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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