God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
