I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
