You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
