how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
