Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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