Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
