Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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