hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
