I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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