Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
