Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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