My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
