Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
it glows. i had to have it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
