You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
