I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
