TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So much rum. So many feels.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
