My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
honey bunches of taint.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Boobs speak an international language.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
