If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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