you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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