Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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