Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
