Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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