Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
