Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
