he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
