I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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