i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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