I hate your face
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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