Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
