just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
