I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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