i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
