May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wish I only lived at night.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Randomize
