end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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